Where I'm From

My sister, Ginger, did this meme a couple weeks ago, and wanted me to have a go.  So, here I go!  (By the way, check out her version as well, because I'm from all those things, too!  :D )

I'm from red dirt roads, playing "school" in the woods and markers on posterboard.

I'm from He-Man and She-Ra dolls and saving the world with Wayne on the front porch steps.

I'm from cats in the yard, sweet old dogs, and walking till dark to find scuplins (that's "scuppernongs" to most folks).

I'm from the afternoon smell of supper cooking, homework after school, and summers full of "The Karate Kid."

I'm from a boombox in a swing, a homemade basketball goal, and a lavender 10-speed bike.

I'm from a little painted cinder block church, solos on Sundays, and tinsel halos on Christmas angels.

I'm from a little Casio keyboard, a black, clunky upright, and Mrs. Fowler's baby grand.

I'm from nickel candy at the Suwannee Swifty, makeup from Revco, and buying only Cokes from the liquor store.

I'm from Maw and Major's country life, Edith's spunkiness, and a Mildred who was really a grandmother.

I'm from a Mama who is my compass, a Daddy who is my hero, and the reflection of my potential in their eyes.

This is me.  And this is where I'm from.

Beautiful

She would have been 89 today.



And I miss her.

Her smile, her eyes, her laugh. I miss holding her hand and hugging her. I always will. But her presence is still here. Not in the physical form, but her spirit and her love are easily felt.

We were blessed beyond measure to have had her with us as long as we did. It is still hard to let her go.



She sure did make this place beautiful.

But her beauty remains, and her golden thread will never break. Happy Birthday, beautiful lady.

Destination: Peace.

2011.
Wow, what a year.

A year full of lots of things.

Loss.
Of life.
Of focus.
Of health.
Of quiet.
Of joy.
Of comfort.

I took a break from scrapbooking. It was good for me. But I miss it and am ready to get back.

There were some gains as well.

I spent the majority of the year with a camera growing out of my face. I loved it.



I strengthened old friendships and gained new ones. I am grateful for that.

I grew closer to my husband and with each year, seem to somehow love him more, although it seems impossible because I already love him with all my being.

Together, we realized some things about how and where we want to live that will help us move forward into the new year, and set the tone for the next phase of our life together.

My heart grew to make room for more kittybabies, precious lives that the world would otherwise just discard, and I love them like they are my children. They have helped give me focus and purpose.

I had a lot of unhappy times, uncomfortable times, times I felt violated by things I couldn't control. I lost quiet, peace and at times, sanity. But in the moments of distress, of anger, of discord, I still felt little Divine whispers. Little reassurances that this is just part of the journey. That I should focus on the good, and I should go where the peace is.

In 2012, I want to go where the peace is. I want to feel it within myself, and project it back to the world. This is not a New Year's resolution. It's more of an approach to life. I fully believe that when you put positive goodness out there, it comes back to you. I am inviting it with open arms and an open heart. I know this will not always be easy, and sometimes it may not even be possible, but it's not going to stop me from trying.


photo credit: brave girls club

I am ready to start fresh and leave so many things, so much negativity behind me.

So, come on, 2012. A whole new year. A fresh start. New footsteps on a new path to where the peace is.

We Came, We Saw, We Christmased

Just now getting to posting our Christmas pictures! We had a fun weekend with family. Headed down to Mama and Daddy's house for Christmas Eve chili and hot dogs, then came back home and returned to their house for Christmas Day. Here are a few of my favorite pictures of Christmas Weekend!

On Christmas Eve, before we left, Brian and I opened our gifts to each other. He got me a Fujifilm Instax 7S!! I really wanted one, so this was awesome!!






And I got him a lighted cover for the Kindle he got a few weeks ago! He loved it!





Then, on to Mama and Daddy's!



I had lots of time to try out my new Instax! (I'll post another time and show the pictures I got from it!)











Christmas Eve chili in a pot that belonged to our Maw. Made us feel her sweet spirit there with us.





This is such a good movie. You should watch it. Brian got his own copy! Yay!

































We had a wonderful Christmas. Hope you and your family did, too!

Threads That Are Golden

My Maw (grandmother) died last Sunday morning. She was 88. It was sudden, and at the same time, not. She has had a very rough couple years, and has endured a lot of suffering. She held on for us, for her family. She knew we did not want to let her go.

My sweet sister, Ginger, wrote a beautiful tribute to Maw's life here. I cannot begin to say it better, so please read her post. It is perfect.

Here's Maw, at her 86th birthday party in February 2009. She was so happy on that day.



She was not able to get around like she had in the past, but she was determined to dance. And dance she did! Here she is, with a little help, cuttin' a rug!



Here she is with her children.



Here's a layout I did with that beautiful picture of her.



Here's Ginger, me and Maw, Easter 2009.



And me, giving her a framed magazine cover with a picture of her dancing. It was from her 86th birthday and she was beyond giddy to think that she had made the cover of a magazine. :)



Ginger and me, with Maw last year at Christmas, 2010. Her last Christmas.



I have so many pictures of her that I could share, but these are some of the more recent ones.

Ginger, Brian and I went to see her a week before she died. She was having a bad day that day. She couldn't get her words out the way she wanted, and she was getting frustrated. She kept saying "Mamamamama" like she was trying to say, "Mama". Ginger and I kept asking her if she meant our Mama, like maybe she was worried about something. We reassured her that Mama was fine, but she continued to say it. It was only later, at her funeral, that our Aunt Brenda told me that she was certain that Maw thought I was her mother that day, standing over her bed. Maw's Mama was named Emily, and she had red hair, even styled with bangs like mine. She thought I was her Mama. Hearing that was really humbling for me. I hope I brought her some comfort, thinking that her Mama had come to see her, to help her let go.

That Sunday morning that she died, she went peacefully to sleep. Her beautiful, caring, loving and immense heart stopped beating. She could finally rest, finally be free. No more pain. No more suffering.

But we are left here, without her. It has been so hard on all of us. Maybe we're selfish. We know we are blessed to have had her as long as we did. We are truly grateful for that. At the same time, though, that is what makes it so hard to let her go. She was such a constant, such a fixed point in all of our lives.

I posted on Ginger's blog about Maw. I said that Maw is our Golden Thread. She binds us all together and back to her. She would want us to live and love life the way that she did, to continue our journey, knowing she is waiting for us at the end. We will do this. We will honor her, every day. We will continue her legacy.

Often in my life, when I need to process or deal with something like loss, I turn to music. I am reminded of these words from a Tori Amos song and they comfort me. We wanted Maw to hold on so long. We didn't want her to go. I feel like these words are coming through as a message from her to us. She will never be truly gone. She will find us. She will wait for us. And she is our Golden Thread, never breaking.

"and if there is a way to find you
I will find you...
I can't go
you said so
and threads that are golden don't break easily" -- tori amos, "horses"

Until I see you again, Maw, I will keep you in my heart. I will find your spirit in the world around me. I will weave your Golden Thread through the Tapestry of my life. <3